Grief Never Leaves.
One of the hardest obstacles I have ever overcome has been dealing with grief and loss. Two of the hardest types of grief I have every experiences have been friend losses and family loved ones.
Friend Break Ups
Grief comes in many different forms. One of the most common forms is grief from relationships. But least talked about, friend break ups. Or losing a friend. Having someone that you could go for anything to suddenly losing that companionship is not often thought of when thinking of grief. But it can hurt very deeply. I had a close friend I gained during the height of lockdown. We became very close and we were a trio. We would be on a phone call everyday sharing our secrets and making inside jokes. It was the closest I had gotten with people in the shortest amount of time in my life. But it also meant our relationship meant a lot to me. That friendship was lost over a boy. She chose him over our friendship and we never asked her to choose. So it hurt a lot. Because we also knew that he was hurting her. And I still carry that resentment with me years later. It is not as active as when it first happened. I cried over that loss. And I will always mourn what could have been. But if our friendship wasn’t meant to be forever then I am glad it ended earlier in my life. And that is the only way I can think of it to overcome it.
Me and my grandmother in 2006.
Family Loss
This is likely what you think of when you think of grief. The loss of a loved one, a family member. It has been five years since my grandmother passed away. She was in Brazil when it happened. And we had been expecting to have more time with her. So when my father walked into my room with a somber face, I knew. He held me while I cried and mourned my grandmother. She was a light for us all. But if it was her time then I had to accept it. But her death hit me like a train. Being in lockdown meant I had all the time in the world to think of her. And be mad at the world for it. I was sad for months. Then a year. And as time passed it became lighter. I knew she was at peace. And wouldn’t have to face anymore pain. Even today I grieve her. I cry when I think of her. But I know time heals all wounds and my job is to keep the memory of her alive. My grief will never leave but I will find ways to overcome the worst of it.
If you are feeling sad over grief here is a resource to reach out to for help.